The Marriage Counseling Blog

Nobody likes arguing (though you could swear a few people in your life do, right?) But at some point, with most of the relationships in our lives, whether it be a friend, family member or partner in marriage, arguments will occur. Couples counseling helps you to argue in a way that’s healthy and constructive. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t have to be called arguing, which has a negative connotation. It could just as easily be a heated “discussion” or “debate” or even a way to clear the air.

Some couples pride themselves in never arguing but a healthy “discussion” can occur between a highly functioning couple as well. Couples who refrain from arguing at all costs often find themselves stuffing feelings and opting for niceness at all costs, which isn’t necessarily healthy.

So how can you remain calm and cool during your next “clearing of the air” session? First, breathe. Breathing is one of the most underrated and healthful skills during a triggering, stressful time. Breathing calms your body and mind almost instantaneously. It helps you remain calm and focused.

Secondly, listen. Yes, it’s all been said before but listening is a discipline, especially when you’re angry. As you’re taking some deep breaths, try to “intake” their words. Re-capsulate what they just said. Then respond. This is a difficult skill, no doubt. But listening and understanding someone’s take, even if its only an element of it, really can make a big difference.

And lastly, remember that arguing happens. It just does. Don’t judge the state of your connection with someone based on one argument. Of course, they are uncomfortable and can often trigger anxiety, but they also hold a potential for growth and connectivity. It’s up to you, as a mature individual, to strive for that and not retreat or strike back.

Related Posts

• Couples Counseling – Learning Skills for the First Time
• Communications Skills – The Backbone of Couples Counseling
• Counseling Breaks Down Reactive Patterns
• Communications Skills, Across the Board
• Learning How to Argue Constructively through Couples Counseling