Learning the Art of Blameless Communication in Couples Counseling
Luke and Hannah had only been married one year before they sought the guidance of a marriage counselor. Luke had started a new business their first year of marriage and was dealing with a lot of stress due to uneven cash flow and tax issues. Hannah had decided to go back to school that year and felt particularly resentful that Luke couldn’t wait a little bit of time to start his business.
According to Hannah:
I knew he wanted to start a business but his other job was steady. That’s why I decided to finish my last year of nursing school. I knew his job and my part time job would get us by. But then he was insistent on starting his business, in the middle of a horrible economic time and my training! Now it seems our life is in financial upheaval and I feel like there’s no one else to blame but him for this mess. I can help but resent him for his choice. It’s like he had no “bigger picture” in mind. He just mindlessly made a decision.
In turn, Luke felt very unsupported on top of the stress of a new business. The counselor went to work on the couple learning to be expressive toward one another about the other’s feeling without the blame. Both came to feel empathy for the other’s position and soon learned a way to be supportive of a choice that was already in motion.
Couples counseling can’t cure every ill. It can’t reverse decisions. It deals with the “here and now”ness of a relationship and often focuses on practical solutions to complex problems.
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