Learning the Basics of Communication via Marriage Counseling
Most of don’t think much about our communication skills. We all assume that we learned them a long time ago and now they’re firmly in place, just where we need them to be. We don’t think of them as a skill that occasionally needs sharpened or fine-tuned. But communication skills are comprehensive acts that need work and revisiting, depending on your personality, the person you’re communicating with and the dynamic between the two of you.
Couples often must revisit their communication abilities in couples counseling, where often communication is suffering in one regard or the other. Both partners will often relearn the basics prior to talking about their deeper issues. If the communication skills aren’t in place, it is theorized, resolution of other problems becomes difficult if not impossible.
So what are some of the basics (as if you didn’t already know?):
Eye contact - the eyes are the windows to the soul, so its said. When you look at your partner while he or she is speaking, there is a “communication link” being made. Even if you are silent, your partner feels you are an active part of the conversation.
Recapping - There are several terms for it but all mean generally the same thing: once your partner is finished speaking, you express your understanding of his or her stance by restating what he/she said. This helps the two of you “stay on the same page” as you proceed. It also helps your partner feel more understood.
Empathize: It’s tough to do in the heat of an argument, but genuinely trying to put yourself in your partner’s shoes will open up your mind and heart to his/her side of the story. By genuinely understanding the emotional state of your partner, you break down the walls of defense and ego that often get in the way of healthy communication.
Wait: Listening requires an open mind, not a busy one. In other words, its important to genuinely listen to your partner instead of brainstorming your next big response.
Communication is multi-layered and seemingly difficult. But its actually quite a natural, loving process. Remind yourself that you, too, might need a little “refresher course” every now and then!
