Learning to Expand your Family with Counseling
Mark never dreamed of the day his strong, independent mother would need his help as well as housing. He also didn’t envision this happening within 2 years of his marriage to Marie. When the couple sat before their marriage counselor, Marie had this to say:
I thought no way. No way! This is not how I see our second year of marriage. I mean, I know - it’s family but why did we have to be the ones? Mark has 2 sisters! Why us? I wanted a few years of marriage just to ourselves…is that selfish?
According to Mark:
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Suddenly this sweet woman [Marie] began sounding so selfish. This is mother! Why were we even discussing this, let alone arguing about it. My mother stays with us. Period.
The counselor listened to each side patiently than encouraged each partner to do the same. She explored options that would allow for the private time with Mark that Marie was afraid would be sacrificed and in addition, began coming up with an overall plan for Mark’s mother, which would include his siblings as well as an overall deadline for the period of time his mother’s stay.
Mark was resistant at first but realized that his marriage mattered in addition to his other family ties and there was no “priority list.” The couple themselves came up with an idea that would benefit both them and Mark’s mother. A small in-law in their backyard could be renovated and made into a nice home.
Counseling allowed them the space to give vent to their emotions as well as come up with proactive ideas in a safer environment with a “mediator” of sorts. Life doesn’t always do what it’s told and counseling helps when the paths ahead aren’t always clear.
