Learning to Let Go in Couples Counseling
Sheila was having trouble accepting her divorce and asked her husband to attend several sessions of marriage counseling with her. She would soon have custody of their children and needed to find a new home to live in. She was scared and still very attached to her husband, Sean.
As Sheila put it:
No matter how much I tried to accept the fact that Sean was leaving, I just couldn’t do it. I could accept it cognitively, but no deeper. I was still in love with him. But what’s love got to do with it, right? Somehow I did know it was for the best. It’s not like Sean had been meeting my needs at all. He was never around and when he was, he was buried in the newspaper or in front of the TV. I wonder how I could be in love with someone who was so obviously not there. I guess I had hopes that he’d come around or something. Couples counseling helped me become aware of where these feelings were really coming from. My father wasn’t around either. He worked constantly and then died when I was 13. My counselor, through some individual sessions, helped me work through some of these difficult feelings that I had long since forgotten.
Though Sean and Sheila eventually parted ways, Sheila felt more empowered and less like a victim.
Often the dynamic we share with our partner is born from our past. We’d like to believe it isn’t so, but our subconscious knows better. A trained counselor can help shed the light on areas we’ve long forgotten, freeing the hold an old, painful situation may have on us.
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