Letting Love Breathe Through Couple’s Counseling
Margot had a difficult childhood by anyone’s standards: her father had left her family when she was 4 years old and her mother died 3 years later. Margot was sent to live with her grandfather, who was verbally abusive. She was living on her own by the time she was 14. She dropped out of school and got her first apartment when she was 16 by having a friend co-sign the lease. By the time she fell in love with Roland, her abandonment issues were pronounced.
According to Roland:
I couldn’t go the bathroom without Margot getting upset. At first, I found it flattering. She really seemed like she needed me. But then it became oppressive. I couldn’t have a life separate from her. And the jealousy! If I so much as mentioned another woman, she would become irate.
The couples counselor quickly realized this was an unhealthy dynamic and went to work on ways to build Margot’s esteem and life away from Roland. She was encouraged to pursue certain goals she had put aside prior to their marriage, including taking several art classes. Roland in turn learned to not recoil when he felt Margot having a “don’t leave me” fit (as he called it) and became more gentle and loving when she was in that place.
Both partners made specific time to do their own thing, each week, so as not to become so enmeshed. Eventually, after a considerable amount of counseling, Margot began to look forward to these times alone and her “don’t leave me” fits slowly faded away.
