Marriage Counseling and Letting go of the Past
On a philosophical level, releasing the past and moving forward can be a challenge for any individual or couple. The need to hold on to the past provides us with fodder, whether positive or negative, that we can often cling to and use as a reason to not budge. This was the case with Barbara and Frank, when they first sought marriage counseling.
Frank was a successful military figure and when it came to “settling down” he didn’t have the easiest time of it, though he very much loved Barbara:
I was use to this high adrenaline lifestyle. When I had to stop and simply…be, it was no easy task. Barbara was very annoyed at first. She said I couldn’t let go of the military, even in our romantic life. She felt like I was often barking orders at her and constantly retelling stories from the past and not really being in the present with her. I think she was sometimes afraid she was boring or something, considering some of the high adventure I had been part of. It wasn’t really that. I just wasn’t sure about my new identity.
Frank’s new identity was something his marriage counselor helped him to define. Barbara, too, needed some clarification since she wasn’t as used to the “new” Frank. But bit by bit, Frank let go of some of his dogmatic lifestyle and began to enjoy himself - and Barbara - in new, subtle ways.
Barbara believes that Frank really needed the help of a counselor:
I’m sorry but I don’t think he was really listening to me! He had to hear the words of a professional in order to make these changes. It’s that authority figure thing. Sure, that’s a little annoying but I don’t care. Whatever helps him release the past a bit…so we can have a future together, you know?
