Marriage Counseling and Managing Grief
Marla, during her first couple’s counseling session:
When Fred’s dad died, he was inconsolable. He died suddenly so Fred obviously had no time to prepare. I tried to be supportive as long as I could but Fred was being so unresponsive. He didn’t want to share any of his feelings with me. He just closed off, shut down. I tried to understand that for a while but then I started getting angry. I mean, what’s a marriage for if not to share your joys and pains? Pretty soon, it started putting a rift in our marriage. I got tired of trying to break down his wall and wondered how my needs were being met. His dad died over a year and a half ago and I feel like we needed some marriage counseling or we were going to be in trouble.
Grief is a difficult process for any individual or couple or family to navigate. It’s a very individualized process with many stages. Marla dealt with grief entirely differently than Fred and was having trouble understanding what to do or how to help. Fred had indeed shut off and it took months worth of counseling to even approach talking about his father. The counselor focused on other elements of their marriage before Fred felt comfortable speaking. When he did, Marla finally had a deeper understanding and could empathize to a greater degree. But like grief itself, it took time to evolve and move forward. Eventually, it can be a bonding experience for a couple. They learn to trust one another with some of the most core pain they’ve experienced. Counseling allowed for that process to happen.
