The Marriage Counseling Blog

We give the idea of listening lip service. We think we know exactly what is going to be said to us about the topic. We don’t listen to lessons in listening! And nowhere does that become more prevalent and necessary than in the context of couples counseling, where active listening can potentially lead to saving your marriage.

It’s time we give up our ideas of listening or assuming we listen well and give ourselves a good, hard reality check on this important skill.

Here are some of the basics, from speaker Ed Brodow:

* Develop the desire to listen. You must accept the fact that listening to others is your strongest weapon. Given the opportunity, the other person will tell you everything you need to know. If this doesn’t create desire, I don’t know what will.

* Always let the other person do most of the talking.This is a simple matter of mathematics. I suggest a 70/30 rule. You listen 70% of the time and you talk 30% of the time.

* Don’t interrupt. There is always the temptation to interrupt so you can tell the other person something you think is vitally important. It isn’t, so don’t. When you are about to speak, ask yourself if it is really necessary.

* Learn active listening. It’s not enough that you’re listening to someone – you want to be sure that they know you’re listening. Active listening is the art of communicating to the other person that you’re hearing their every word.

* Ask for clarification if needed. This will clear up any misunderstanding you have.

* Get used to ‘listening’ for nonverbal messages – body language. The other person may be communicating with you via body language. You need to decode the message.

* Ask a question…then shut up. This is a foolproof way to listen. Think of yourself as an interviewer – Barbara Walters! She listens and questions – so should you.

So before you walk out the door, assuming you are the best listener in the world, remember that listening is a skill that is constantly evolving, just like you and your partner.

Related Posts

• Marriage Counseling & the Art of Active Listening
• Couples Counseling – Listening as the First Step
• Marriage Counselors Concentrate on Listening
• Developing Your Listening Skills
• Listening Non-Defensively