The Marriage Counseling Blog

Lance and Harriet had been married for close to 25 years, both married previously. They had never been in couples counseling before, so both sat before the counselor nervously and unprepared as to what to do. When the marriage counselor asked them what brought them here, Harriet had this to say:

I’ve wanted to come here for years. But Lance always refused to do it. He said he wouldn’t be caught dead here. But he finally gave in for our 25th wedding anniversary, since that’s all I ever asked for. Thing is, he was married before me. To Alice. Everyone loved Alice. People around here still talk about her. When she died and I met Lance, I thought he’d get over her at some point. But I swear, to this day, he loves Alice more than he loves me. I found pictures of her in his closet, for instance. That’s just not right. I’ve never really felt like his wife. It’s like she lives with us.

Lance said he had heard it all before but didn’t fully agree with Harriet. He felt fondness toward his deceased wife but felt like he had let her go a long time ago. The counselor began working on ways for the couple to openly discuss this problem that had been festering for decades. Slowly but surely, Harriet began to realize that it was she who kept Alice alive, not Lance. That some of her insecurities around Alice kept her locked and angry and feeling powerless. Couples counseling was an anniversary gift that broke a long chain of painfulness.

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