Marriage Counseling during Midlife Crisis
When Sam became experiencing signs of midlife crisis, he almost couldn’t believe it. He had written several articles on the topic. He was an accomplished therapist himself, specializing in men’s issues - surely he would be able to work around something he knew so much about! His wife Carrie felt differently, hence her suggestion for couples therapy. She and her husband had felt estranged for quite some time.
In her opinion:
Sam just seems like he’s constantly trying to prove himself to everyone. He didn’t use to be like this. He used to seem more centered, confident. Now he’s trying to beat his nephews at basketball and buying a faster car. He even wants to get a damn motorcycle. I wouldn’t mind any of this so much but it seems like he’s paying less and less attention to me. He’s too concerned with the rest of world.
The couples counselor had some initial difficulty treating Sam and Carrie. Sam posed a lot of resistance because of his own therapeutic background and Sam’s unwillingness to believe anything was truly wrong. It took many months before any kind of “break-through” occurred. (A break-through, in psychological terms, is a pivotal moment when a deeper psychological awareness is made, usually changing the course of therapy.)
Sam eventually embraced his role as a client and allowed himself to be guided by the couples counselor. Carrie, slowly but surely, felt more tended to in their marriage and also began exploring new avenues of self-expression, so her marriage wasn’t the only primary focus.
As one who does marriage counseling in San Diego, counseling a couple in which one client has training and/or experience as a mental health clinician is always a challenge. The degree to which the counseling clinician can set the stage for the client clinician to be just that, is crucial. When the client clinician tries to “know more” than the counseling clinician, a power struggle can result. This does not bode well for the therapy. Likewise, the counseling clinician cannot be enticed into “showing off” to the counseling client. Additionally, the counseling clinician needs to raise the issue and put it on the table in order to assure the other client that no alliance will form between clinicians. This is very important. Therefore, it is essential the counseling clinician make clear the respective roles each clinician needs to adopt and adhere to if the therapy is to succeed.