Marriage Counseling for the Short Term
The marriage counselor knew he had little time and needed to work fast. But this wasn’t a problem. He saw Lynn and Farrel’s problem as manageable and knew he could guide them in the right direction quickly.
Lynn and Farrel were getting married in 6 months. Lynn came from a well-to-do family and put a lot of pressures on her to succeed. Lynn became a perfectionist over the years and while Farrel was used to dealing with it, prior to the wedding, her perfectionism had become unmanageable.
According to Farrel:
I knew if we didn’t do something about this, I was going to spend the rest of my life with a monster. Sorry honey…but really, I can’t live like this. I don’t want to. And you know what, I don’t think Lynn wants to live like this either. This is her parent’s talking. The Lynn that I’m in love with can be messy and carefree. I don’t care if its our “big day” frankly. I want it to be enjoyable, not like pulling teeth or putting on a damn stage show.
During the first session, Lynn began sobbing uncontrollably. She finally felt as if she had a free and relaxed environment to express herself emotionally. She confessed that this stress was in fact mainly her family doing an “internal number on her” as she put it.
The counselor worked on the two becoming allies with one another, where Lynn could express her stress about the “big day” and would be heard, as long as she did so in way that wasn’t attacking. Conversely, the counselor taught her techniques that encouraged her to let go of the cyclical thoughts surrounding their upcoming wedding and simply have an enjoyable time with her husband to be. Slowly, she began to “weed out” her family’s thoughts from those of her own, which were considerably more flexible.
Therapy can work in the short-term when a problem is manageable. This couple benefited within several sessions. They returned a year later, happy but wanting to make sure they were “on course” and still keeping the lines of communication open.
