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Marriage Counseling Helps Blend Two Family Households Into One

Getting married the second time around comes with a few challenges. Children, pets, incomes, careers, schedules, and ex’s all add to the chaos. Marriage counseling can help families blend, and getting started is important to everyone. It’s much harder to heal the hurts and learn to stop fighting than it is to find good strategies for communication now.

Sherry and Andy are figuring out how to become a couple, step-parents, and run one very large household–with a combined six children, three cats, one dog, a hamster–and two ex’s. They’re grateful to have found love again, but they’re hoping that the transition will go smoothly for everyone involved.

Sherry is concerned about the kids:

Honestly, everything is so, so good between Andy and me. We’re madly in love, and we’re both so even tempered and easy going that I’m not worried about us. I am a little concerned about Andy’s youngest, Drew. He’s five, and he loves his mother very much. He still talks about “mom and dad are going to be together and sleep in the same bed again.” It breaks my heart because I know that part of his life is over–even if I wasn’t in the picture. He likes me, and I don’t want to take the place of his mother–but I do want to feel that our marriage is a good thing–for all of us.

I know it’s silly, but I also worry about how crazy our house is going to be with six kids! Both of us need to work, and it’s going to be really wild to coordinate everyone’s schedules. I’m tired just thinking about it. It’s not that this is a deal breaker in any way whatsoever, I just wonder how we’re going to juggle all this.

Andy has his own concerns:

I so, so appreciate Sherry’s concern about Drew. She’s so thoughtful of everyone, but I don’t want that to stop us being together because I know this is a good thing. Kids can pull strings, and I’m afraid my ex is behind some of Drew’s “statements.” It’s really complicated dealing with an ex, and it would just kill me if my ex got between us.

The one thing I am concerned about is how we’re going to handle “ex issues.” They have rights to be with their children, and Sherry and I have to figure out how to deal with this–for years to come. When you think about it, we’ll still be dealing with this 15, 20 years from now–graduation, weddings, grandchildren–and our ex’s will still be in the picture. I think it’s really important we learn how to handle this–now.

Sherry and Andy agreed to marriage therapy, and even brought their children in for a few sessions. Everyone felt honored to have a voice and to know that their input is valued. They’ve already worked through scheduling issues, helped Drew understand that he can love his mom–and dad–and it’s okay that they don’t “sleep in the same bed anymore.” Sherry and Andy also talked about their ex’s, and their concerns. They’re relieved to know that they can work through anything that comes up–with a little help.

This article was written by Staff Writer, and posted on Monday, April 13th, 2009 at 4:20 pm. It is filed under Counseling, Marriage, Marriage Counselors, Therapy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

One Response to “Marriage Counseling Helps Blend Two Family Households Into One”

Mark on April 13th, 2009 at 6:13 pm

good post… step families are very common and there are few resources available that touch on this topic. The Smart Step Family by Ron Deal is a good book for step families to read if counseling is not being considered.