The Marriage Counseling Blog

Most people don’t consciously think about body language, but couples counselors are trained to. They can see the real talk behind the relationships. Body language isn’t a “tell all” like the tabloids would like us to believe. It doesn’t mean your relationship will end because your husband crossed his legs the wrong way. But a trained counselor can gather bits of evidence that may lead to some conclusions about the couples’ current state: signs of discomfort, anxiety, need, disconnect.

Here’s what one expert has to say about something as simple as sitting at a restaurant together:

Look at a pair of newlyweds. You’ll see a lot of times they sit next to each other in booths at a restaurant not across from one another. They tend to remain close to each other no matter what. A family with a close mother and father do the same thing even when kids are involved. A partner I’m dating might even sit sideways facing me in a car when they are really into me.

Couples with good body language will take the time to connect all the time. The will face towards one another and when distractions stop will reengage each other in connecting. This can be done with kissing, holding hands, eye contact, or conversation. Their bodies should be angled towards each other and physical contact is done quite often. Another sign in a restaurant is both of the couples are eating in proportion to each other.

Negative signs are when somebody doesn’t connect during breaks. They instead read a menu again, look out the window, play with their purse or engage everybody but the person they are will. Their bodies are probably angled away from each other and physical contact in minimal. If somebody is eating a lot of their meal and the other is hardly touching their plate something is going on. The person hardly touching their plate is probably bothered by something.

Again, these signs aren’t a final statement about your marriage. It’s more of an indicator of a current situation. It might be interesting to watch other couples and see what their body language says to you.

Ultimately, its a learning tool not a verdict. Body language is often subconscious, and in its own way, speak volumes.

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