Marriage Counseling & the Art of Active Listening
Hal and Franklin entered into couples counseling on the verge of breaking up. Hal had become increasingly frustrated with Franklin over the last 5 years of their relationship. He felt that he could never bring a problem to the table without Franklin “losing it” as he put it.
Franklin has no clue how to listen. He’s just so reactive. Over the years, I’ve stopped telling him anything. Even the smallest things. I wanted to tell him to pick up his clothes around the house a bit more (since I do all the cleaning) but I knew, I knew, if I said one thing to Hal, he’d flip out. He acts like a baby and we’re both in our forties. I’m ready to get out of this doesn’t get better. You should be able to bring grievances to your partner without the fear that they’ll explode!
Hal was right. And many couples face this same issue – how can I tell my partner about our problems in a safe, sane manner? While we’d all like to believe we’re not the type to “explode” when our partner gives us constructive criticism or is upset with us, many of us have less volatile ways of shutting down and not listening.
Hal and Franklin both had to relearn how to communicate more effectively. Franklin, in particular, learned how to actively listen to Franklin. This meant no cross-talk or interrupting or criticizing or shutting down.
It took some time. They had some well-worn habits in place that had to be re-established. But eventually they integrated their new habits fully and discontinued couples counseling, with a new, healthier construct in place.
Related Posts
- Marriage Counseling and the Lost Art of Listening
- Couples Counseling – Listening as the First Step
- Marriage Counselors Concentrate on Listening
- Listening to Your Partner
- Developing Your Listening Skills
That is right; the most important aspect of marriage counselling is encouraging active listening.
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