Marriage Counseling - When the Small Things Become Big
Lea and Hank sat down before the couples counselor visibly upset. Both had entered counseling because a seemingly small problem had become increasingly large in their household. This problem? Housework. Specifically the dishes.
According to Lea:
I feel ridiculous spending money on a counselor right now. I mean, for something like dirty dishes. But I feel like a maid in my house and I’m tired of it. Hank is a slob. I constantly pick up after him. We have different schedules so Hank makes his own dinner. When I get home late at night, the sink is full. No matter how many times I ask him to clean the dishes before I get home…it doesn’t matter. He’s sound asleep on the couch and…I’m sick of it. All of it.
The couples counselor explained to the couple that cleaning often represents much more than it would appear. Housecleaning issues often stem back to childhood. Children can be shamed into doing their housework, which can build up a lifetime’s worth of resentment. In addition, a clean house - or lack thereof - can represent, correctly or not, how much love and respect family members have for one another. On top of that, there’s often a societal element to a clean house. Someone who grew up in a messy house, for instance, may have a higher degree of sensitivity, feeling like they somehow don’t “measure up” to the Joneses.
Hank and Lea explored the deeper meanings of a clean house and soon were able to come up with a plan that was suitable for both partners, while exploring some old shame issues lurking behind the dirty dishes.
