Marriage Counseling - When the Small Things Get in the Way
Often couples counselors see their fair share of seemingly petty problems when couples sit before them. Of course, these problems are not petty to the couple and most often, these issues represent bigger underlying themes. This was the case with Betsy and Jason, a young couple married 5 years living in the suburbs.
According to Jason:
She’s a slob. I can’t take it anymore. I thought it was cute at first. She seemed so carefree and creative. And it felt good to be around, since I’m kinda uptight at times. But after years of this…I can’t take it anymore. I’ll spend my entire Saturday cleaning up the place and she walks in, with absolutely no regard for what I’ve done - tossing her s*%t everywhere. I think she does it on purpose now, just to get on my nerves. I feel like her maid, not her partner.
Betsy was tired living in such a controlled environment and found herself staying at her friend’s more and more. Their marriage was seriously suffering and the issue at hand was tidiness. But was it? With more probing from the couples counselor, it was uncovered that Jason lived in a messy house growing up and was very embarrassed when friends would visit. Betsy conversely lived a very rigid household with a militaristic father who controlled the household like it was his infantry.
Both had to explore the deeper meaning and lingering feelings of their childhood environments before they could address their current living situation. Seemingly petty issues often have deeper roots, ones that can be explored safely in couples counseling.
