Marriage Counseling, when Willingness Counts
“More couples get divorced within the first 2 to 3 years of marriage than at any subsequent interval; most of their undoing may stem from a failure to undo their complicities.”
(Sarnoff, Love Centered-Marriage in a Self-Centered World).
Terry and Todd are a young couple, in their mid-20’s, and having marital difficulties. Both are concerned they will become a statistic at the rate they are going, having been married only 2 years. Terry feels that they never really learned how to communicate properly - that their attempts quickly turn into shouting matches and name calling. And according to Todd:
It just seems that with every passing day, I feel less and less connected to her and more resentful. I hate that feeling. I’m not sure what we’re supposed to be doing differently. She’s my one and only serious relationship and it feels like its failing. If we don’t do something, we’re going to continue to unravel. We’ve both stopped listening to one another, that’s for sure.
The couples counselor commented on their willingness to improve their relationship and how important that is. When there is one partner who doesn’t want to be in counseling in the first place, there’s this pervasive resistance to move forward. Terry and Todd were both more than willing.
They worked on the various exercises the counselor recommended and updated him on a weekly progress. Terry even kept a log of their progress. While their communication skills were both seriously lacking, this couple made up for it with a deep willingness to do the work, no matter how involved it became.
