Navigating Divorce Through Counseling
Many couples have utilized the help of a marriage counselor in order to part ways amicably, especially when there are children involved. Not only are they concerned about the way their children are affected, they realize the need to maintain a positive, long-lasting connection, even if divorced or separated.
Don and Kim were such a couple. They had no desire to work through their marital issues. Both knew they wanted to separate from one another and were remarkably at peace with that decision. They just wanted to know how to do it in a healthy way, so their 3 children would continued to feel loved and safe.
The counselor did encourage the two to work through some long-standing problems. He reasoned that the more they could let go of some old resentment, the more likely the could progress into the future peacefully. Though the couple was resistant at first, they finally worked through some old issues. Kim remarked:
“I’m really glad we did that, even though I didn’t find it necessary at first. I was really surprised just how upset I still was…and some of these things have happened over 10 years ago! I felt differently toward Don. I didn’t want to get back with him, but he suddenly seemed like a new person to me.”
Don and Kim officially divorced a year later. The children have had some difficulty adjusting, which is to be expected. But the divorced couple are friendly toward one another and their divorce took place with the use of one mutually hired lawyer - no fighting, no legal battles. The two managed to stay connected, even while separating.
Being a lawyer who has helped finalize divorces where a counselor was actively involved was a great experience. Unlike many lawyers who thrive on the fighting of a divorce, I prefer to see my clients get a quick and as painless as possible resolution. I prefer my clients to have attended counseling before they decide to divorce. If divorce is the final solution, having a counselor help them to resolve conflicts without the lawyers turning it into a battle was great.
I wholeheartedly agree with you that a counselor is a great step towards life after the divorce. If there are kids involved, the parents will have to deal with each other sometimes long after the children have grown. Establishing a positive means to communicate and work through problems is essential to staying out of court after a divorce.
Great site and blog!