The Marriage Counseling Blog

A perceptive couples counselor notices more than just the words shared between a couple; he or she notices body language as well, which can speak volumes. Just as easily as non-verbal communication can be an indicator of a dynamic between a couple, it can be adjusted in order to improve relationships.

Non-verbal communication is not “new agey” and esoteric. We all contend with it everyday. For example, we all know what it feels like when someone crosses his or her arms when you’re trying to explain your version of the story. And of course, an “eye roll” can mean someone is not taking you seriously at all! The list goes on. There are many ways we send a message, consciously or not, about our feelings.

Even your proximity with someone indicates a lot. We all know what it feels like when someone stands a little too close to us. Conversely, when someone walks ahead of us while we’re talking, we can easily feel dismissed.

When you talk about your marriage with your spouse, be aware of the subtle language and physical interplay that goes on. How can you correct it? What adjustments can you make? If you feel yourself physically closing off, is there a way to open up and reach out? In the midst of an argument, have you tried putting your hand on your partner’s hand? It’s a way to say, “I know we don’t see eye to eye right this second, but I love you anyway.”

Changing your non-verbal communication is a way of approaching your relationship from the outside in. Making small changes can make big differences in the heat of an argument.

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