Pre Marriage Counseling – It’s A Smart Move
Pre marriage counseling could be a smart move in today’s busy world. So many marriages end in heart break for one or both parties and most of the time it is because of a lack of communication. We often enter a marriage with the wrong perspective on life, in fact, the word ‘love’ seems to drive everything.
There is nothing wrong with being ‘in love’. It does however often place one’s head in the clouds rather than firmly on the ground. This is where a little pre marriage counseling can help. It enables both parties to lay a few marriage ground rules before the big event. It also opens up the communication channels for future disputes. We spoke last week about ‘smart marriages‘, and this type of relationship doesn’t happen by accident, it takes conscious effort.
If you make the effort to lay down some ground rules, open a communications channel, or, if you like, a procedure for airing problems, the marriage starts on solid ground – not in the clouds. Once you have this solid foundation, by all means return to that romance in the clouds as you enjoy your wedding. Once the gloss dissipates, you will still have that solid foundation to build upon.
Pre marriage counseling is novel approach to modern weddings – one that may help to save marriages before they reach the irrepairable point.
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As a marriage counselor of many years, I must say that I truly enjoy premarital counseling. For example, seeing folks relatively early in their relationship, as their communication patterns are just taking shape, makes it so much easier to point out the foibles and pitfalls, and talk about these in ways that are not upsetting …and actually enjoyable. This often involves some exploration of each other’s family backgrounds and how their personality patterns in general, and communications patterns in particular, were shaped within that family dynamic. Exploring this together as a couple, rather than in individual therapy, can bring the couple closer as they learn more about one another. It can help the couple put their differences (and potential future differences) into a less threatening context.
Premarital counseling really should be seen as a pleasurable sharing rather than some dreaded clinical procedure! I often joke that we should ask premarital couples, “Would you like the service contract?” Maybe it’s not such a joke, though. Establishing a relationship with a counselor early-on, and viewing that person (or at least such an option) as a future resource, might be very helpful.
Carl Hindy,Ph.D.
Clinical Psychologist
Nashua, NH