Projection and Couples Counseling
Talking about difficult material can be very provocative for couples. “Owning up” to your responsibility when there is a dynamic problem can cause defensiveness or projection. Projection can occur in couples counseling as well as individual therapy. Projection is defined as:
In psychology, psychological projection (or projection bias) is a defense mechanism in which one attributes one’s own unacceptable or unwanted thoughts or/and emotions to others. Projection reduces anxiety by allowing the expression of the unwanted subconscious impulses/desires without letting the conscious mind recognize them. The theory was developed by Sigmund Freud and further refined by his daughter Anna Freud, and for this reason, it is sometimes referred to as “Freudian Projection”
In counseling, we often have to hear from our partner as well as the therapist things we don’t necessarily want to hear; ways in which we’ve contributed to a long-standing problem or a personality trait of ours that we’d like to believe we don’t possess.
For counseling to be truly effective, there is a need to be open and relaxed as possible. It’s also imperative to be aware, simply aware, when we feel that defensiveness rising in us, that feeling that we’d like to lash out, yell. That simple awareness can be a wonderful indicator. It can serve as a mental road sign, informing us of areas in our personality that we need to work on and learn acceptance.
When we gradually become aware that the very qualities we don’t like in our partner may be an area we’ve disconnected with or dislike in ourselves, then some real work can begin.
