The Marriage Counseling Blog

Many day-to-day situations between couples don’t necessarily warrant couples counseling but they do require conflict resolution…and quickly. Most of don’t have the time in an average day to endlessly process with our partner. Some matters are less serious than others, for instance. And occasionally, a problem isn’t significant of anything deeper – it just needs attention fast!

There are ways to approach a conflict in a level-headed manner that are both effective and fair. Of course, the nice part about learning these approaches is that they apply across the board – whether its with your children or a fellow employee or your spouse.

One expert conveys the importance of preparing before a conflict:

To prepare ‘your case,’ simply decide whether your conflict is an interest conflict or a position conflict.

For example imagine that you are a manager and that one of your employees consistently arrives late. There are two ways to address this conflict. The first is in the interest of the conflict. The conflict interest in this situation is that the employee, by arriving late, is negatively influencing other employees and is contributing less to the success of the company. This conflict can be handled by simply explaining the interest to the employee and providing rhetorical consequences for his/her subsequent behavior.

However, surprisingly enough, many managers also think of the conflict as a position conflict. They relate the conflict to their own position as a manager and when confronting the employee in question they are often overbearing or argumentative. Almost everyone at some time or another participates in conflicts that are both interest and position related, but if you take a step back and focus more on the interest in the conflict vs. the position a positive conflict resolution in generally easier to come by.

Of course, it’s often hard to prepare for a conflict, especially one that suddenly arises. But it’s a sign of emotional maturity to take a breath to allay your anxiety and access your position. Once you do that, it’s much easier to communicate and most importantly, listen.

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