The Marriage Counseling Blog

Oftentimes, when couples find each other later in life, they feel more comfortable keeping their financial issues separate–but is this a sign of mistrust–or healthy boundaries and independence? There’s no one right answer. What’s right for one couple could be the unraveling of another. Marriage counseling and pre-marital counseling can help couples work through financial issues, see what’s behind their motives and concerns, and build a foundation to their marriage to flourish.

Kevin and Alyssa faced financial issues even before they were married. Both were in their mid-30′s when they met–and each were in medicine. Keven is an Oncologist and Alyssa is in pharmaceutical sales. Both were concerned that their financial differences could be an issue. Kevin sold his home and moved into Alyssa’s home–but they had some questions as to how to handle their living expenses–and how each could protect their financial assets and still build a trusting relationship.

Kevin shares:

My parents didn’t really have anything when they started out–financially–so it wasn’t an issue for them, so I really don’t have anyone to ask as to how to approach financial indepence within a marriage. I’m so grateful to have found Alyssa, and we really want to get off on the right foot. We’ve met with a financial planner–separately and together–but I feel like we have some day-t0-day issues to work through. Both of us have been home owners for years, and it just makes sense for me to move into Alyssa’s home because she has more room and a better location for our work. But I don’t want to feel like a guest. I want it to be our home, our cars, our food–how do we do that? The one thing I do believe is important is that we don’t use money as a power button, or have secret accounts. I think that could be destructive.

Maybe a marriage counselor can help us slog through this uncomfortableness I’m feeling. My parents have this old fashioned marriage. My mom doesn’t work, but her contributions to the family, to dad’s business, and to being a mom is amazing. I want that kind of family. I want this big, crazy house with kids and love and chaos–and I don’t want a “this is yours, this is mine” kind of thing.

Alyssa shares:

Kevin and I grew up very differently. My mom was a single mom most of my childhood. She divorced my dad when I was 3, and she was married for 2 years when I was ten. Because of that, I guess I have the mentality that I’ve got to take care of me. I do trust Kevin, and we’re very much in love and on the same page when it comes to marriage and family. But I want to be smart. I want to protect what I’ve worked so hard for–I’m very proud of what I’ve achieved–and not just financially. Yes, I want separate bank accounts. I think it’s a good idea for us to have separate accounts, checking and saving–and for us to have joint accounts for household expenses, vacations, and just being a family. I do agree with Kevin that this should be open and not secretive. I’m not trying to hide anything.

I think marriage counseling can really help us. We want this to work. We may think differently about money, but I think we’re both going to make an effort to get through this initial change. I’m really glad the Kevin is open to doing this. It makes me feel a lot better.

Kevin and Alyssa entered marriage counseling with open minds. They talked openly and deeply about their views on money and how their upbringing factors in. They’re committed to each other–and to working through the day-to-day hiccups that arise.

Related Posts

• Should You and Your Spouse Keep Separate Checking Accounts?
• Couples Counseling Deal with Financial Matters
• Dealing with the Financial Side of Divorce in Couples Counseling
• Couples Counseling for Parenting Issues
• Marriage Counseling Addresses Financial Masking of Emotional Concerns