The Marriage Counseling Blog

Many couples see signs early on that their marriage is failing or in need of marriage counseling, but don’t seem to heed the warning. Often this is due to denial (“Oh, we’re fine. It was just a little argument) or a sense of shame (“Sam is the perfect man for me. We have the perfect marriage. How could anything be wrong?)

If you sense some of the signs mentioned below, make a choice to do something about it now. Marital problems tend to compound and they don’t heal on their own, as often thought (“I’ll just leave her alone. This will blow over.”) The sooner you act, the higher the chances you can repair a troubled relationship or marriage:

Financial stresses, family pressures, crazy schedules and career obligations can all cause strain on any relationship. So how can you tell if these problems are typical, or indeeds are signs of marriage problems that might be cause for concern?

Complacency. Many marriage counselors agree that one of the first warning signs of marriage problems is complacency. Taking each other for granted, neglecting to spend time together, or forgetting to say I love you can all be signals of potential marriage problems that can lead to a much larger crisis.

Decreased physical intimacy. If your previously passionate love life has taken a turn for the worse, this could be a warning signal of a marriage problem . Of course, life events like having children, moving, changing jobs, or medical problems call all effect sex drive, and doesn’t necessary mean signs of marriage trouble. But if the trend continues for more than a couple of months, it is a sign of a marriage issue that needs to be addressed.

Avoiding conflict. In an effort to avoid a fight, some partners will avoid conflict altogether. While this may seem like a healthy reaction, in reality it only causes the underlying problem to fester. It can also lead to an explosion of bottled emotion once it finally comes out. Avoiding potential issues can be another tell tale sign of marriage problem.

Need to win. When one partner feels that they need to win every argument, you have a sure sign of a marriage problem. Marriage is a partnership, and requires teamwork. There should be no winning and losing in a marriage, only cooperation and working toward shared goals. If you aren’t doing this, you may be showing signs of issues in your marriage.

Considering an affair. If one or both of you are considering, even half-heartedly, having an affair, you are showing signs of problems in your marriage. Have an honest discussion with your partner about what is missing in your relationship, and work out some ways to rekindle the romance and stop signs of marriage trouble before they start. The long-term damage to your relationship caused by an extra-marital affair can be devastating. So think long and hard before you go down that road.

So take the time to evaluate your marriage seriously. Signs that are addressed early can make the difference between a long, happy marriage or a visit to the lawyer.

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