The Assumptions of Communication in Couples Counseling
Most people assume they have solid communication skills. As a matter of fact, as you’re reading this, you are probably assuming you are exempt from the “problem group.” Interestingly enough, its many of these same people who end up in couples counseling, having to hone or develop skills they assume they possess!
So why do we think we’re such good communicators when there is a high likelihood we have much farther to go? Well, if you have had some form of higher eduction, that could be your first problem, ironically. Your assumed your higher learning equated to communication skills. After all, you could state your mind in a more clear, succinct and intelligent manner.
If you are a female, you may assume you have good communication skills simply based on being a female. Heck, you’re communicating all the time, you think! What could I be doing wrong?
The art of communication is complex and doesn’t simply mean being well-spoken or talkative. When it comes to couples communicating, it often involves very deep feelings that run as far back as our childhood. To be able to speak your “emotional truth” to someone requires courage, patience and clarity. It also requires understanding your emotional state. How can you communicate, after all, if you don’t really know how you’re feeling a particular way and why?
Lastly but perhaps most importantly, communicating requires listening. Ah, listening. The underdog of most people’s communication skills. To truly receive someone’s words, to hear them to the best of your ability and process them, to not “zone out” when someone else is speaking, is an art in and of itself.
The next time you speak to someone today, truly listen to them; every word. Process what he or she is saying to you. It will be an excellent barometer. If it feels foreign to you or an “emotional stretch” or causes some anxiety, then you know where you need to begin working.
Related Posts
- Couples Counseling and Communication
- Non Verbal Communication and Counseling for Couples
- Learning the Art of Communication with Couples Counseling
- Learning the Art of Blameless Communication in Couples Counseling
- Learning the Basics of Communication via Marriage Counseling
One great couple-communication tip that really focuses the listener is to think of and ask a practical, helpful question about what the speaker is saying.
Thinking of a question can really help a distracted partner process the information their partner is trying to convey, rather than just focusing on their own “position” while the other person is talking.