Couples Counseling Explores the Deeper Meanings of Housecleaning
When couples enter marriage counselor, we often imagine they are bringing very big issues to the table: infidelity, toxic arguments, etc. But a very common issue that arises in couples, especially newly married people, is the very banal issue of housecleaning.
Well, before we downplay the importance of cleaning house, let us not forget that cleaning means more than “who’s taking out the trash.” Cleaning represents many things to many people. Each of us were raised with a particular imprint when it comes to tidiness. Did you come from a fastidiously tidy household, where hell was raised if one item was out of place? Or did you place become so messy, that you had to step over piles of “stuff” to get into your room? Was one person responsible for most of the cleaning or was it a shared duty?
For many couples, cleaning house can represent a power play underneath it all. It’s not so much about dirty dishes but more of a “don’t tell me what to do. You’re not the boss of me.” Again, these responses also span back into our childhoods. We don’t want our romantic partner to represent a mother or father figure in our relationship (at least, we shouldn’t want that!) So cleaning often brings with it a parental voice, one that either party most likely will resist.
In turn, couples counseling offers an opportunity to see beyond the dirty bathroom and into the psyches of two people who are trying to get through an average day with as little negotiation as possible.
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