The Different Views on Parenting your Child in Couples Counseling
When Hilary and Dimitri sought guidance from a marriage counselor, they were at their wit’s end. They had a 3 year-old child who they were having difficulty disciplining. And not because the child was such a troublemaker.
Hilary and Dimitri had radically different views on parenting their child and it was causing an almost daily war between the two of the them. Dimitri had been raised in a very strict household where discipline was equated with punishment. Hillary, on the other hand, was raised by two very liberal parents who didn’t believe in any traditional form of discipline.
Here’s an interesting definition on the difference between discipline and punishment that can serve as guideposts:
Some parents think discipline and punishment are the same thing. Some think discipline is getting a child to behave and teaching him to be obedient. Some think it is what you do when children are naughty or misbehave.
Whereas punishment focuses on the child, discipline targets the act. When we punish a child we are in effect saying to him, “You are loved (or not loved) because of the things you do.” Punishment teaches the child to be “good” as long as we are looking Ç but as soon as we turn our heads, watch out!
Discipline separates the child’s “goodness”from how well he does on a task. Our message now says, “You are OK even when your behavior is NOT OK.” We love the child but reject the behavior.
The purpose of discipline is to raise responsible, confident children who grow up to be persons who think for themselves, who care about others, and who live satisfying and useful lives.
The process of raising a child can cause some major friction between a couple; especially one coming from two different schools of thought. Dimitri and Hillary both had to seriously adjust their outlooks on child rearing to find a middle ground but now, they seem happily on the “same page.”
Related Posts
- Couples Counseling for Parenting Issues
- Marriage Counseling and Raising a Child
- When a Child Chooses Counseling
- Parenting: Setting The Bar For Appropriate Behavior
- Parenting Conflicts
