The Resistant Partner
A common refrain heard from many individuals who would like to enter into couples counseling is, “I’m willing but he’ll never go.” This often halts the progress and healing that therapy offers. Frequently, one member of the duo simply won’t even ask, thinking they know the other partner so well.
Couples counseling is a tough subject to breach. And it’s not necessarily the male who takes issue with it! There is generally one person who either feels some sense of shame and doesn’t like to “air their dirty laundry” or there is a pride issue, where one spouse feels that they are capable of fixing their own problems.
Egos and pride aside, couples therapy is simply a tool. Throughout our life, there are many ways we elicit help from the outside world and don’t seem to have problems with it. If we need to be trained in a certain skill, for instance, we have no problems going back to school to gain the knowledge we need to further our career.
But when we have problems in our marriage or relationships, suddenly a wall appears. Bottom line: you can’t force someone into therapy. You can ask firmly (and hopefully without ultimatums!) You can also give your partner literature to read so they understand the helpfulness of the therapeutic process. Ultimately, you must take care of yourself. If you have a resistant partner, you can enter into counseling yourself. Once your partner sees the progress you have made, occasionally that can be an initiator.
Resistance is a common occurrence but when you take care of yourself, you’ve already taken the first step.
