The Marriage Counseling Blog

Robin explained to her couples counselor:

I was done with it. Done! Gary was a slob before we were engaged.

I remember the first date we went on, he wouldn’t let me in his apartment. I kept thinking, “Oh, he must be involved with someone or this guy has some real skeletons in his apartment.” No, he was just a slob and embarrassed to have me stop over his place. When I finally was “allowed” in there, I was shocked. I’d never seen such a mess in my life. But I was crazy about him and I thought he’d outgrow it. Or…I don’t know…he’d improve somehow. Cut to 13 years later and it’s the same thing – except I live with him!

I’ve asked him nicely about it, we’ve fought about it, I’ve even threatened to move out, but it never makes a difference. I want more from my marriage than being a handmaid to a sloppy husband. I want more than to ask Gary on a daily basis to clean up, like he’s a 12-year old. Something has to break.

The couples counselor realized that cleaning had far greater significance for this couple. With careful research, the marriage counselor came to realize that Gary was a hoarder, a disorder marked by the inability to throw items out and collect in inordinate amounts. Gary went on to pursue individual counseling and eventually Robin was invited to join in. Bit by bit, Robin began to understand the disorder to a greater degree. This helped alleviate her anger and she began to have deeper realizations about her husband:

When I began to understand hoarding and why Gary does it, I didn’t feel so powerless. There was finally something for us to do about it.

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