Tis the Season to be Jolly…for Some
The holidays are a complicated time for many. Couples often feel the pressure and couples counseling is often a helpful way to manage the holiday blues. So what happens? What goes wrong? We all want to feel happy over the holidays? Then why are so many of us struck with a sense of disappointment or depression? Why are relationships often taxed during this time?
Every individual has their own particular take on the holiday. It’s like a thumb print. It means something in particular to each of us. And it evolves over the years. Let’s say you always had a happy, joyful holidays as a child. But perhaps you’ve lost some of the relatives you spent those holidays with. Perhaps instead of feeling that old-fashioned joy, you instead feel a deep sense of loss.
When you in a relationship with another, these issues can be compounded. Now there is two different holiday imprints that may or may not jive with one another.
Nellie, married for 4 years:
“My husband Tom hates the holidays. He doesn’t buy gifts, he doesn’t decorate. For me, it’s tough because I grew up really celebrating the holidays. It often seems like I’m not married during the holidays because he’s nowhere to be found. What’s worse is, I hate to see him like that. I’d like to see him let go of all that old stuff and just let himself enjoy the holidays for once. There is a lot for us to be grateful before, even though Tom has experienced a lot of loss.”
As you can see, holidays are an individual state of mind, even when you’re in relation to another. Couples counseling can help you navigate an occasionally tricky and supposedly joyful time.
This really happens in real life… when you want to celebrate holiday but your partner don’t, it’s sad but we have to accept it, until he realizes what he had lost from skipping it.
Happy Holiday!
Kate
Memories of holidays often bring out magical wishes in us. A friend of mine was very sad that he couldn’t go east to be with family this year. Even though being with the family was stressful he had kept an image of an ideal holiday alive in his heart – one of love, beauty and togetherness as in his early childhood.
Because of that memory he couldn’t allow himself to enjoy the holidays with his wife and child where he lived on the west coast. He had parcelled up his memory, labelled it east coast and that was that.
He lost out until we talked, and then he opened the package and allowed some of the good stuff out into his own home. He made it nice holiday for everyone after all. It often takes a shift in perspective and a willingness to change the original magical wish to make life enjoyable again.
I was so glad to be able to help him.