The Marriage Counseling Blog

When Marta and Graham entered couple’s counseling, they both felt excited about it, which isn’t always the most typical response! But both were open-minded, liberal people who looked forward to an opportunity to get to know themselves and one another better. They entered because Graham felt Marta, after 12 years of marriage, wasn’t fully committed in his mind. He felt a certain distance from her when he tried to be romantic or intimate and he was never sure why. Marta, at first, didn’t really know what he was talking about:

I think Graham is just really sensitive. I’m not the same way. I’m more of a practical sort. It doesn’t mean I love him any less. I just think he misinterprets my pragmatism as distance and it’s not. Sometimes I wish he could be a little more like me…well, I guess he feels the same way. That’s why we’re here!

After several months of therapy, the marriage counselor uncovered a secret that Marta had been keeping pertaining to some abuse she withstood at the hands of her father. At first she just alluded to it and then the truth came pouring out. Graham was shocked, especially since he was the closest to Marta’s husband of her family. The counselor suggested some individual sessions with a female counselor (upon Marta’s request) so she could talk more freely about it.

As the two continued counseling, Graham noticed Marta warming up and getting closer to him, the kind of intimacy he had hoped for after all of these years. Marta didn’t realize it at the time, but her past abuse had kept an invisible wall up between her and her husband, a certain distrust and distance that kept them from experiencing a deeper level of closeness.

Therapy can help uncover truths that break down barriers between people - sometimes barriers people don’t consciously know they are putting up. Thus was the case with this couple, who both felt that counseling was one of the smartest moves they had made together.