When a Child Chooses Counseling
Marty was 11 years old and was fed up with his parents fighting. He started experiencing a good deal of anxiety and complained to his parents how he couldn’t sleep. This started about a year ago when Mel and Sarah started having more serious marital difficulties and fought on a daily basis. They would fight in front of Marty and Marty would often beg them to stop or run out of the run crying. While the parents realized how unhealthy this dynamic was, they couldn’t manage to stop fighting in front of him.
As a matter of fact, the couple began fighting in front of anyone. Often couples argue in private. There is a certain degree of shame of public self-consciousness they experience which prevents them from arguing in a social situation. Other couples, like Marty and Sarah, did not have this issue and would pursue an argument anywhere. To their own admission, one of their biggest arguments took place in a very full grocery store!
Marty finally begged them to get some help, after a particular drawn-out battle that he had witnessed. He said if they didn’t get help soon, he’d run away. The parents knew that Marty probably wouldn’t make good on his threat but also realized, finally, they were putting an incredible psychic toll on their child.
When the couple entered counseling, Marty was invited to several sessions. He got to experience firsthand the couple working through some of their difficulties and not arguing incessantly. The couple also was instructed to convey to Marty that none of this was his fault or his responsibility. This was important because often a child feels somehow responsible for his parent’s problems.
Marty chose counseling for his parents because he was fed up. The parents heeded his request because they too couldn’t take anymore, after 12 years of marriage. Sometimes its a child who knows the answers before the parents. And often, a child is hurting as much if not more than the ailing couple.
