When Couples Grow Apart, How Marriage Counseling Can Help You Grow Together
We’ve grown apart. We’re not on the same page. He’s boring. He’s not the same person I thought I married. You’ve changed. We have nothing in common. I don’t even know her anymore. We don’t want the same things….These are the phrases many couple use when they first come to marriage counseling. Sometimes they agree to counseling to seek help to repair the “broken parts.” Other times, one spouse wants to end the marriage and agrees to come just so they won’t seem like a bad person.
Jenna and Tom found themselves a this crossroads. Jenna shares:
Tom isn’t the person I married. Ten years ago, I’d say we were on the same path. We wanted the same things. hen we met, Tom had just been accepted at a law firm in our home town and was looking forward to his career and beginning a family. I was finishing my bachelor’s in interior design and planned to eventually open my own business. Ten years later, and Tom’s still at that same law firm, but he’s changed. He works 12 or more hours a day, and then he calls from a bar and says everyone from the office is hanging out after a big case. All he talks about is buying a new car or getting a bigger house.
We used to do things together, go on bike trails on the weekends, kayak, and take weekend trips. I hardly ever see him now. I think the worst part is that I thought we wanted children. We being the operative word here. We had talked about children before marriage and Tom was excited about being a dad one day. This complete change of face has me wondering if we want the same things out of life. Now, Tom says he’s not sure he even wants children anymore. I’m not sure I can stay married to someone who doesn’t want children. I’m not ready to give up on my marriage, but how do we get past this major hurdle?
Tom and Jenna have some big issues to talk through. Marriage counseling can offer them a safe place to get to the core of who they are as a couple, what each person wants and needs out of life, and if they can move forward–as a couple. Marriage counseling creates a place where each partner can say the “tough stuff,” and know that they have the right to be heard. Their spouse might not like what the other person says, but they have the opportunity to listen, and respond in a healthy way.
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Great post. It’s important to get things said rather than hold it in and pent up the frustration. Counseling provides a safe and fair place to do this.