When Couples Personalities Clash, Marriage Counseling Help Smooth Out Their Differences
He’s loud. She’s shy. He’s messsy. She’s a clean freak. She loves Sundance Film Festival flicks. He’s NASCAR all the way. While these differences sound like no big deal, they can be a very big deal on a day-to-day basis. Marriage counseling can help newly married couples deal with their differences and remember what drew them together in the first place.
Tia and Matt have only been married a year, and things aren’t going so smooth.
Matt shares:
Tia’s a slob. I’m not kidding. She leaves her dirty clothes in the middle of the bathroom floor and Coke cans line up on her home office desk–for a solid week–or more. Her car is such a mess I can’t even ride in it. I can’t stand it. I didn’t know how clean I was until we were married. I was a bachelor and had my own apartment for almost twelve years–and I guess I just got used to having things my way. We fight all the time about this–I mean every single day. She never, never picks up after herself. There’s literally a trail of destruction behind her. I’ve tried to not focus on it, but I really don’t want to become her personal cleaning service–or live in filth. I hate to say it, but don’t know if I can live 50 years like this.
Tia shares:
Matt thinks he’s Mr. Perfect. Well, he may be Mr. Clean Freak, but that doesn’t make him an angel to live with. He’s a gripe–and a nagger. I thought those were girl qualities. All he does is fuss. I can’t get up to go to the bathroom that he doesn’t fuss about me not taking my glass to the kitchen. I’m still drinking it! I admit I’m not Miss Tidy, but I do laundry once a week, and so what if the dishes pile up for a few days? I’m working 50, 60 hours a week and I’m exhausted. I’m not kidding–several times a day, Matt has to straighten the magazines on the coffee table. I’ve begged him to let us budget for a housekeeper, and I’ve even started keeping my clothes in the spare bedroom and dressing in the hall bath. I think that’s a decent compromise, but I don’t want to live in shame–and being yelled at all the time. I never thought this would be what would break us up.
It sounds like this is just about housekeeping. But it’s not. These two people have very different personality styles, but something initially attracted them to each other–and couples therapy can help Matt and Tia work through these differences and get back to remembering the love, the passion, the humor and sweetness of why they married in the first place.
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My husband and I are different in many ways, but I have always thought it keeps things interesting. What I’m not good at, he is excellent. Sometimes things he does gets on my last nerve.