The Marriage Counseling Blog

“For better or worse,” is what we promise that first day of our marriage. We romanticize our future problems and see ourselves courageously caring for our spouse in old age, but we don’t think about how we’ll take other changes. What if you gain 100 pounds? Will you spouse treat you the same? What if they gain weight–would that bother you? Marriage counseling can help couples face these delicate issues and offer insight and strategies to open communication, avoid hurt feelings, and and keep your marriage leaning toward the “for better” side of those vows.

Carly and Jarred are both dealing with weight issues.

Carly shares:

I gained 75 pounds with my first pregnancy, lost 30 pounds of it, and then gained another 60 pounds with my second child–all within two years. I can hardly say it, but I’ve gained (and have kept on) over 100 pounds since we married a little over three years ago. I can hardly believe it’s happened. I’m upset about it, and I am trying to work on my health–but I’ve got two very young children, and I work part-time–so it’s not easy to workout every day.

I can hardly talk about it Jarred. I’m embarrassed and frustrated with myself, and I know Jarred loves me, but he does look at me differet now. He can say he doesn’t, but I can tell–and that hurts. Plus, he’s gained 50 or more pounds–and he’s now been diagnosed with diabetes. I try to help him, cook healthy and help him watch his sugar intake, but if I say too much I feel like he’s going to say something ugly about my weight gain. I feel like he sabotages me. I get all excited and I plan our meals and workout times–and then he doesn’t want to do it. We just don’t feel like ourselves anymore, and I don’t know if it’s having two young kids, or the weight gain, but our sex life has definately suffered.

Jarred shares:

Yeah, Carly’s weight gain and my weight gain has really become an issue between us–an issue we’re not talking about. I’m afraid I’ll hurt her feelings. She snaps and makes me mad–and we still don’t deal with it. Whenever Carly gets on her workout/eat right kick, my life suffers. She turns into this mean gym coach and orders me around–and it’s all she talks about. I’m tired of hearing about it all the time. We’ve got to find a way to deal with this because the stress is really getting to me.

Jarred and Carly sought marriage counseling to help them get on track. They felt as if they couldn’t talk to each other about this very sensitive subject without hurting the other. Marriage counseling helped them get their fears and hurts out and integrate a plan to help them both lose weight in a way that encourages each other, but doesn’t depend on each other. Jarred and Carly had to learn that they must choose to care for their health and nurture their relationship.

Related Posts

• Relationships and the Weight Issue
• Working Together on Weight Loss Goals
• Don’t Help Your Partner Put on Weight
• Is Being Each Other’s Best Friend Enough? Marriage Issues and Couples Therapy
• Family Issues That Can Affect A Marriage