Work Ethics in Marriage Counseling
Interestingly many of the communication rules that apply to work can easily be applied to your marriage or relationship as well. Good communication is good communication, regardless of the situation or party. Some seem very well adept at communicating in the workplace and then suddenly seem ill-equipped when it comes to their home situation, not realizing that some of those same skills can be applied just as easily. A good marriage counselor can instill the basis tenets into you and your partner.
One communication skill commonly taught in the workplace is the importance of staying on topic. When too many other issues are brought into play, communication can get muddied. The same applies with your partner:
In all of your arguments, always stay focused as a laser beam on the topic at hand.
Let’s say a wife is having an argument with her husband about who does what around the house. Her position is that she feels she does too much housework, while he does too little.
If she wants a big, dramatic blow-out, all she has to do is stray from the topic of housework and launch into a full-scale, insult-laden attack, rattling off all of the things he does wrong, screaming about how lazy and slovenly he is, etc.
In other words, if she is looking for a big, ugly, down-and-dirty fight, she just has to scream: “I do all the housework around here! You are unbelievably lazy! In fact, you’re the laziest person I’ve ever met!
On the other hand, if she wants to make her points clearly, concisely, and without hurting her husband’s feelings, she could say: “I feel like I do most of the chores around here, and I really need you to pitch in more than you have been doing.”
Simply put, there is never any need for a discussion about housework to escalate into a nasty, full-blown, insult-laced fight about everything under the sun. And remember, people who stay “on point” in their arguments with loved ones frequently get what they want, and best of all, they achieve their objectives without resorting to cruelty.
When an argument begins moving in another direction, simply guide it back on course by restating the topic at hand. You can also promise to discuss the other factors at some later date. Think of an argument as a dinner, where you can only eat one dish at a time…oh, and then clean the dish when you’re done. Or you might be arguing about dishes!
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Is it ethicial to counsel an individual and then bring in a spouse to do couples work?
Thank you for your question Jan
There are times when one partner feels that counseling is necessary while the other rejects any need for counseling. It’s not unusual for the first partner to seek out individual counseling. Over time, the second partner may feel that they can see results and that joining in could deliver results.
Working with a couple after working with an individual can only be done if the individual gives their direct permission. Counselors still need to be aware of privacy issues, only addressing issues where permission has been granted, or of they have been raised during couple counseling. Once permission has been obtained then it is ethical to move from individual to couple counseling – it happens quite frequently.