Counseling Even When You Know It All
It is fascinating to see couples have that moment in marriage counseling when they realize something completely new and unsuspected about their spouse’s feelings. It is common for couples who have been married for decades to make the assumption that they know all about one another, that they know exactly what the other is feeling and the motivations behind each action. The truth, however, is often far from that.
Stephanie had been unhappy for years. Her husband, George, was a generally grumpy sort anyway and figured that his wife had taken up his habit over the years. When Stephanie asked to see a marriage counselor, George was surprised. He had made assumptions about her attitude and reasoning without actually knowing the real truth behind it, and those assumptions had kept him from seeing the depth of his wife’s unhappiness.
Stephanie finally opened up, in marriage counseling, about what had bothered her all those years.
George and Lydia, our neighbor, had become friends about 20 years ago. George was always going over to her house to “help her” with things that needed fixing. He said he felt sorry that her husband had left and there was no man around the house to help her. But she was beautiful and smart and she knew what she was doing. George talked to her every time there was a block party, ignoring me and the kids like we weren’t even there. He stopped talking to her and going over there after I asked him not to anymore, but I just know he was cheating on me with her.
George had no idea that Stephanie felt that way and was still angry over a confrontation that had happened over 17 years prior. He told Stephanie, clearly and honestly, that while he had flirted with Lydia, he had never cheated and stopped all contact when Stephanie told him that she didn’t approve. He had wiped the whole incident out of his thoughts, never dreaming that his wife would still be thinking about it 17 years later.
Marriage counseling is a way for couples to open up and communicate, no matter how well they think they know each other.
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