The Marriage Counseling Blog

Peter and Audrey never imagined this day, as they sat before the counselor, desperately trying to sort out their upcoming divorce. They had four grown children and Peter had a very successful career while Audrey stayed at home and took care of their two properties. They sought the advice of a couples counselor because their financial matters, such as who would receive what, were becoming a huge point of contention.

This sounds like something for a lawyer to deal with, but both wanted to part as amicably as possible. They wanted to figure out as much on their own as possible, without the aid of legal advice. Peter had trouble grasping Audrey’s contributions to the households. She was irate that he downplayed the importance of her partnership.

The counselor helped the two negotiate to a certain degree and also provided a platform for the couple to simply vent their frustrations and pain. Ultimately, Audrey was entitled to more than Peter thought. According to a recent article in SmartMoney:

IN THE NOT-TOO-DISTANT past, Jo Cooper-Ellis’s divorce from husband Peter might have netted her the house and some paltry monthly payments. But in the 21st century, the math of divorce is drastically different. In court in Vermont, Jo won not only $10,000 a month in alimony and child support, but also Peter’s entire retirement portfolio — and $1.2 million worth of his unvested stock options at the software company where he’s an executive. Granted, Peter won’t need reservations for the poorhouse: He commands a salary in the midsix figures. Still, he’s going through post-divorce financial trauma. “They took my retirement, my pension, my 401(k) and all the cash,” he says. “I didn’t even think that was a possibility.”

For as long as divorce has existed, men have griped about their divorce settlements, but in reality, they’ve typically come out far ahead financially. No longer: Today, women are closer than ever to achieving parity — and then some. Thanks to shifting cultural attitudes and a judicial sea change, courts are putting a higher price tag on what the nonworking or lower-earning spouse — usually the wife — contributes to the marriage. Judges are granting more alimony, putting more assets in play, and increasingly, requiring husbands to pay their wives’ legal fees. And for men who expected something more favorable, the experience is about as comfortable as a colonoscopy. As Washington, D.C., attorney Sanford Ain observes: “The husbands are more nervous, and the women are more confident.”

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