The Marriage Counseling Blog

Large age differences in a marriage are one of the many issues that marriage counselors see often. While an age difference may not seem to be an issue at first, over time, as the marriage begins its “settling” process, the age difference between a couple can be seen as a major obstacle. Keep in mind, however, that age difference can also be used as an easy target for blame when the problem is really just different personalities clashing.

Age differences in a couple can mean differences in lifestyle, tastes and energy level as well as major goals. Often times the older spouse is at a different stage in their career or life and has already past the wants and needs that are central in the younger spouse’s life. This can often lead to one spouse choosing to seek out more and more friends and relationships that fill the needs of their lifestyle, leaving the couple leading separate lives.

Gwen said:

Angel likes to go to work and then come home to relax. That’s it. He doesn’t want to go to the park with the kids or even go out with just me for the night. He’s physically in great shape, but he’s tired all the time. Mentally tired. Honestly, I don’t like to sit home very much. I like to go out and stay busy and active.

Angel said:

Gwen is younger than I am by 17 years. When we met I had no problem keeping up with her and being active, but the past few years I find that I’m happier at home or just talking with the kids or playing catch with them. Gwen wants to go out all the time, and I just don’t. Mentally, I can’t keep up with her frantic pace anymore. I like things quieter.

Angel and Gwen, through marriage counseling, began to better see each other’s perspective on their social and home lives and make some real changes. Gwen realized that her frantic schedule wasn’t making her happy. It was simply her way of getting out of the house and avoiding their deeper issues. Angel recognized that his desire for peace and quiet could be accommodated with regular “me” time and leave time left over to go out with Gwen.

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