Marriage Counselors Concentrate on Listening
For many couples, marriage counseling is sought out as a tool to help them reconnect and really see each other again. So many couples find themselves ignoring each other and moving on with their lives individually even though they are married to and living with their spouses. For some marriages, however, the problem isn’t in ignoring the other spouse, but of desperately trying to communicate with each other.
Shannon and Kurt hadn’t had any real successful communication in years, though it really wasn’t for lack of trying. They found themselves talking over one another, trying to get their own opinion in and feelings across, but at the same time. Getting couples to talk is a difficult job for any marriage counselor, but getting people to listen is the key.
Shannon said:
Kurt doesn’t listen. He never has, really, so it got to the point where I stopped listening, too. It’s sad. I don’t know what’s causing it. We used to laugh and talk. Now we don’t laugh at all anymore and we talk all the time but it never means anything.
According to Kurt:
She never listens. How can she? There’s no “off” button. She just keeps talking like I never even opened my mouth.
The marriage counselor had to outline some very hard and fast rules for this couple, who were deeply enmeshed and actually suffering a good deal of anguish from their lack of ability to listen. It took many marriage counseling sessions to break them of their reactive habit of communication. They had to re-learn their fundamental listening skills but it did eventually succeed.
Related Posts
- Marriage Counseling and the Lost Art of Listening
- Marriage Counseling & the Art of Active Listening
- Developing Your Listening Skills
- Listening to Your Partner
- Listening Non-Defensively
