The Marriage Counseling Blog

There are many reasons couples will shy away from counseling when they are in need. For some, it’s seen as a personal failure. Others don’t like the discomfort of revealing personal material to a stranger. And finally, there are many who just don’t understand what couples counseling entails.

It is fairly new to our culture. Most of our parents, for instance, didn’t partake in it - so we don’t have a shared history to refer back to. In addition, psychologists and psychiatrists predominantly dealt with individual problems until fairly recently.

Prior to marriage counseling, most relationship problems were rectified by close friends, clergy or family members. In tribal societies, the village elders were considered the “go to” people when intervention was needed. But in a world that has become increasingly modernized, couples and families are more societally isolated. The support structures of a more “village-based” community are gone, leaving couples and families less resources when problems arise.

While there is still a stigma attached to counseling, whether it be individual or couples therapy, we are all becoming aware of the difficulties of “going it alone.” Akin to the analogy of asking a gas station attendant for directions, we’d often prefer to be lost than ask for help.

Often, the strength and the courage we believe we maintain by not asking for help is really a ruse. It takes some restructuring mentally but it’s imperative to realize that asking for help is, in fact, a sign of strength and courage. Interestingly enough, we don’t find it to be a weakness when we need medical help (though some do!) but psychological help is continuously shunned.

Remember, if you are a family in distress and in need of counseling, consider the history and recognize the times in which we live. We have become isolated and it’s not necessarily “normal” to go it alone. Help, in one form or the other, has been there for many, many years. Your ancestors have benefited from it and you can, too.