Waiting For Change In A Bad Marriage
If you are desperately unhappy in your marriage and you are waiting for something in you or your partner to change then you had better hold on because you are either in for a quick change, or you’re in for a really long ride.
Couples often wait in unhappy marriages because they are too afraid of change. They wait in the hope that perhaps their partner will change “for the better” or to fill a certain felt need. Sometimes they wait in the hope that their own feelings will change and they’ll be happier with the situation as it is. They wait for the marriage to fix itself or fix them, though that doesn’t really happen.
The truth is that if you are that unhappy in your marriage, you are probably not hiding it very well from your partner. Real unhappiness is very hard to stifle off to the side so your feelings are most likely loud and clear. Since most people will eventually decide to leave if their relationship is miserable, you risk losing everything by waiting for change.
Change means movement, and movement can’t happen if you are sitting and waiting.
If you are unhappy, stop waiting for your relationship to change itself or to change you. Take the initiative and ask your partner to go with you to marriage counseling. Change might very well be right around the corner; you probably just need to stop and ask for directions.
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I agree that counseling would be a worthwhile effort in trying to salvage or save one’s marriage. Unfortunately, for me, that information was not stressed when I was a young woman and wife. I knew no one who had ventured into the possibility of seeking counseling, so I suffered miserably for years. This was a long time ago, and hopefully we have come a long way into realizing that marriage is not an effort which only concerns the persons involved, but the family and even the community become affected. Children, extended family, teachers, doctors, lawyers, etc. etc. may eventually play a part in the disturbance that one or both partners may alleviate from pain and stress by reaching out to a counselor. I hardly recommend giving counseling a serious consideration and try.