Apologies in Relationships
“I screamed at my husband yesterday. I said the most hurtful things. Do you think I need therapy?”
I overheard someone saying this to a friend in a restaurant a couple of months ago. I smiled as I passed by the table. Why? Because I knew that the person and her spouse are one of the happier couples around.
When a spouse regrets having misbehaved, it suggests the relationship is a healthy one. However, I was amused at the latter part of what I heard. Do you think the lady I overheard needed therapy? No, she didn’t. She had repented on her behavior, and the reason she thought of therapy was because she wanted to make their relationship better.
Irrespective of how you have behaved with your spouse over the last few days or months, if you think you were wrong, there is hope that your relationship can be better. But if you are counting on mere apologies, you are wrong. While apologies help improve things for the initial moments, it is your follow-up actions that determine the sincerity of your apologies. If you apologized for screaming, make a conscious effort over the next few days not to scream. If you apologized for having missed paying bills, make it a point to pay them on time from then on.
While these apologies are minor ones and can be followed up by corrective action, there is another very severe kind of apology – the apology after having strayed away. You had an affair. You apologized, having realized it was a mistake, or you apologized after you were caught. You say your apology is sincere, but there is no way you can prove that with any actions. People apologize to heal a hurt heart, but sometimes the pain is too big to be healed by a series of ‘sorries’. What do you do then? You approach a marriage counselor.
If you can, convince your spouse to join you in counseling. If you cannot, you go there on your own. But you have got to take action if you want to save your marriage. And saving your marriage does not mean staying under the same roof but being happy together under the same roof.
Keep watching this space for more discussion on relationships and counseling.
Related Posts
- Dr Marty’s Advice on Relationships
- Private: On Line Relationships Can Be Costly
- Private: Relationships and Guidelines
- Private: Emotional Support In Relationships
- Private: Couples Counseling for Living Relationships
