Are You Responsible for Ruining Your Relationship?
Whatever may be the underlying reason affecting your relationship or marriage, it is always a combination of anger, anxiety, and poor communication that spoils a relationship. Believe it or not, your behavior and attitude are highly responsible for the state of your relationship – whether good or bad. You cannot keep yourself away from the problems and say you had nothing to do with them. Both you and your partner/spouse contribute to the health of your relationship. How guilty are you of spoiling it?
Barbi Pecenco Kolski, Marriage and Family Therapist Intern, in her article, discusses the five levels of attack as laid down by Dan Wile in his book ‘After the Fight’. These five levels indicate the deteriorating communication in a relationship. Let’s look at what these levels are about.
- Level 1 Attack – Being Critical of Behavior
- Level 2 Attack – Being Critical of Your Partner’s Feelings
- Level 3 Attack – Being Critical of Who Your Partner Is/Name Calling
- Level 4 Attack – Making Interpretations
- Level 5 Attack – Criticizing Your Partner’s Intentions
When couples fight, they often say things just to hurt each other’s ego. They may not mean anything they say but their intention is to hurt the other person. This attitude, if continued, can take your relationship to a place from where there is no turning back.
Several times in this past, we have mentioned going for individual counseling when your partner is not willing to go. The reason for this is that change of behavior even by one of the partners helps bring a positive change in the relationship. Therefore, it is vital you pause when you have the urge to utter something negative.
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