Avoiding Conflict Will Make Your Relationship Worse
Conflict is not what causes a relationship to fall apart; it is the tendency to avoid conflict that causes a couple to part ways. Yes, as Diane Sollee, of SmartMarriages.com puts it, “The number one predictor of divorce is the habitual avoidance of conflict.”
When you argue, crib, and complain, you are actually interested in making the situation better. When you give your partner the silent treatment, you are just creating more distance between the two of you. Yes, arguments are not bad for your relationship; it is when you start avoiding them, you start making your relationship worse.
In her article on handling conflicts, Diane says:
Successful couples are those who know how to discuss their differences in ways that actually strengthen their relationship and improve intimacy. Successful couples know how to contain their disagreements – how to keep them from spilling over and contaminating the rest of their relationship. While it’s true that we don’t get married to handle conflict, if a couple doesn’t know how – or learn how – to fight or disagree successfully, they won’t be able to do all the other things they got married to do.
Whatever be your reason of avoiding conflict – love, fear, or peace – you are not helping your relationship by keeping a distance from your differences. The differences still stay. What you need is to handle the differences in a smart way. A happy couple will handle the differences smartly; at times, it may mean visible disagreements. If you want your relationship to work, don’t ignore the differences but embrace them in a smart way. Conflict resolution is important for a good relationship.
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I cannot agree more – keeping frustrations bubbled up, and leaving a frustrated party to deduce by themselves how the other is feeling is a sure way to break down trust, mutual respect, and eventually a marriage.