The Marriage Counseling Blog

Every relationship has its ups and downs. Having downs doesn’t make a relationship bad. The health of a relationship is determined not by the problems it has witnessed but by the equation between the two partners. Lisa Kift, Marriage and Family Therapist, discusses the health of relationships in her article titled “Ten Characteristics of Successful Relationships.”

Here’s the list of attributes she identifies in a healthy relationship:

• Friendship
• Humor
• Communication
• Chore Sharing
• Sexual Intimacy
• Affection
• No “Horsemen of the Apocalypse:”
• Mutual and Separate Friends
• Reliability
• Relationship Vision

For those who don’t know what Horsemen of the Apocalypse means in the context of relationships, let me explain. John Gottman, expert marriage researcher, mentions criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling as the Horsemen of the Apocalypse when it comes to relationships. If any of these four are present in your relationship, it is likely to be affected adversely.

The other characteristics, as highlighted by Kift, points to the very foundation of your relationship. In the absence of any of these characteristics, you will start experiencing dents in your relationship. So, now you know what to do if you want a healthy relationship. Imbibe these characteristics in your relationship by developing certain habits like showing appreciation and affection, sharing domestic chores and other responsibilities.

If you find that in spite of all your efforts, your relationship doesn’t seem fine, you may need some expert help. Yes, you need to see a relationship counselor. But do you need one when your relationship is not yet out of control? It is important to handle it preemptively rather than look for solutions after the problem worsens.

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• Understanding the Four Horsemen of the Relationship Apocalypse
• The Benefits Of A Healthy Happy Marriage
• How Do You Define A Healthy Marriage?