Learning How to Argue Constructively through Couples Counseling
Couples argue. It’s a fact of life. And the idea that you shouldn’t argue is rather limited. Arguing can be a healthy, constructive part of a growing argument – as long as its done correctly. If you feel your arguments are becoming violent, verbally or physically abusive or cyclical in nature (same argument for years, for instance), it may be time to visit a marriage counselor.
Some points to consider during an argument?
* Avoid bringing up other issues
One way to muddy the water is to bring extraneous material into an argument. It’s like playing tennis with several balls! If you feel your partner is doing this, ask he or she to hold off on that for a later date. Explain that you are more than willing to discuss it, but not at that particular moment. Other issues make an argument more difficult to resolve…and simply take more time. If you need to, restate the issue at hand, so you both can stay focused on that and that only.
* Making personal attacks
Nothing will get an argument into an unhealthy place more quickly than personal jabs. This includes name calling and any other attacks based on behavior, personality traits or physical appearance. You know when you’re in a bad place when an argument seems reminiscent of one you would have when you were a child! Personal attacks are damaging. You can’t take them back. On top of that, they are entirely unhelpful and will only deepen the wedge between the two of you.
These are two points to consider the next time you argue with your partner. Remember, arguing can serve to clear the air and solve problems when done correctly. When done incorrectly, arguing can damage feelings and build long-standing resentment. Remember, breathe throughout the argument. This helps to keep you centered and focused.
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