Marriage Counseling – Watching the Process Unfold
As a society used to quick fixes, marriage counseling can come as quite as surprise. That’s not to say that you won’t see its efficacy, but it’s not like getting your car’s oil changed! It’s a process and the more you can be at peace with its varying levels, the more you and your partner stand to glean from it.
As one seasoned couples counselor put it:
I see a lot of couples coming in, wanting answers right away. I have to remind them that these problems took years to develop. They aren’t going to fix themselves over night. I also have to explain that as counselor, I don’t provide answers, per se. They need to find their own answers. It’s a discovery process and one that can take some time. Not only do we need to explore the couples’ issues, but undoubtedly we’re dealing with history of origin issues as well, meaning their childhood issues come into play. So it can be complex. I try to encourage relaxation and patience as well.
It’s hard when you’re having very immediate problems with your partner. You want immediate solutions! But as the counselor pointed out, problems take time to develop and take time to unravel.
The more open you and your partner can be when approaching counseling, the better. Try to have goals, but not expectations. A little patience can go along way. Think of it as a journey and less like a destination. Life, learning, love…it is a journey after all!
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