Relationship Skills Are Not Inborn
You may have noticed that certain family backgrounds tend to develop positive relationship skills while other backgrounds do not. The truth is, relationship skills are not inherited. Rather, they are more often than not learned through environmental influences.
Personality traits, on the other hand, often are inherited. That’s why you often hear people speak of offspring as “the spitting image of his father” or “that apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” A single personality characteristic can often cause a child to act in the same manner as one of his parents when faced with particular situations. However, behavior is still often influenced most by environmental factors.
It’s the old nature vs. nurture debate. Are humans the way they are because of genetics or up-bringing?
Most counselors and therapists today believe a little bit of both. While personality traits are often due to a genetic make up, behaviors and relationship skills are often taught by parents even without active instruction. Children learn behavioral patterns simply by watching their parents and other adults respond to the situations around them.
Codependency, dysfunctional relationship patterns and spousal abuse are often learned behavior. They are not necessarily actively taught. They are learned by observation and “soaking up” the social skills and attitudes of the older people within one’s familial environment. That means negative relationship patterns can be broken by unlearning and positive relationship skills put in their place through an active learning process.
If negative behavioral patterns are causing friction in your relationships, try a little relationship counseling and replace those negative traits with positive ones.
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